To All the Petty People in My Life

1.

In fifth grade, I was too much against being told what to do. You had me write twenty-five times, “I will not complain when Mrs. S. tells me to do something.” I could have tossed a stink bomb in the teachers’ lounge, but that didn’t occur to me so get a life.

2.

At the YMCA, I’ve been slamming locker doors since I was in junior high. We were both adults, but you told me not to be so noisy. I could have lit a cigarette, but nobody wants lung cancer so get a life.

3.

At the nursing home, as my boss, you almost fired me for asking a lady if she had diabetes, knowing that with my limited vision, I couldn’t read her chart. I could have given her chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. Her blood sugar would have skyrocketed. She might have ended up in the hospital or died. So get a life.

4.

I thought you were my friend so sent you a postcard promoting my new book. You accused me of unethical behavior for using a corporate mailing list for private gain. I could have sold your contact information to a telemarketer, but that’s where I draw the line so get a life.

5.

Now, I’m Secretary of our Corporation. For years, I’ve been using the same email signature with my Website and blog addresses in an attempt to promote my work. When submitting minutes from a previous meeting to our list serve, pasted into a message body, I included my signature as usual. You called it “graffiti,” said it was inappropriate. I could have gone to your house, spray painted every expletive my daddy taught me on your front wall, but that wouldn’t have made it right so get a life.

6.

After reading this, you’ll say I exposed you by writing such drivel. I could have used your real names, but then you would have sued me so get a life.

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Are there petty people in your life? Feel free to vent in the comment field as I did above, but please don’t use people’s real names. In the coming year, let’s all resolve to get a life. Happy New Year. Click here for another song from yours truly.

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https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/15213189/old%20lang%20zyne.mp3

 

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Abbie J. Taylor 010Author Abbie Johnson Taylor

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That’s Life: New and Selected Poems

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6 thoughts on “To All the Petty People in My Life

  1. To Mrs. R, You said my rock music was evil and I’d get a demon listening to it. You said I was wasting my time on the CB. You said that I wasted my money on a $35 radio with TV channels 2 to 13, yet you bought yourself a colour TV. You said it was a sin for me to have long hair, yet all the portraits of Christ had him with it and a beard as well. You said I shouldn’t lust, yet you were in love with the minister and his wife was in love with another man. You griped at my Moody Blues record when your daughter played it, yet you let your grandson listen to heavy metal. I’d ask you to get a life but you’re dead so get a death.

    • I’m glad you approve, Abbie. I didn’t turn out to be a druggie because I listened to what now is called classic rock. I actually talked about Jesus on the CB and made some great friends there. Though I had long hair as a teenager, I never went with the crowd but stayed faithful to Christ. I’ve lived a moral life and avoided doing or even plotting to do wicked things. That Pharisee woman picked at the speck in my eye while ignoring the redwood log in hers. I’d hate to be her on Judgement Day.

      • Writing down what happened to me really helped, as did handing it over to the Lord.

        I still get petty people in my life, such as Napoleon. That’s my name for the county bus driver who is as short of patience as she is of stature. I hated that when she answered my questions with questions. I’m glad that she at least understands that now. She’s still bossy but I hope she’ll get over that soon.

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