Death and Dying – My Corner

Losing Bill, a Poem

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LOSING BILL

The Nurse

He’d only been living here a month,

although he came frequently for respite care

while his wife went to writers conferences.

He loved bragging about her,

the author of two books,

When his decline made caring for him difficult,

he moved here to stay.

After that, he went downhill,

lost strength in his good arm

needed help eating,

developed bed sores so painful

he couldn’t sit up for long.

One day, he quit eating,

was given oxygen.

His wife signed end-of-life papers.

Four days later when I came to work, he was gone.

The Husband

For six years,

I couldn’t use my left arm or leg.

My wife did everything,

wiped me when I pooped,

dressed me, got me out of bed,

helped me with my computer,

prepared meals, did laundry and other chores.

Other women would have walked away-

she didn’t, despite limited vision.

For six years, I was happy until

I didn’t feel like eating.

It became harder and harder for my wife to lift me

so I reluctantly agreed to move to a nursing home.

She visited me every day.

We went out once or twice.

Although I wanted to be involved,

it was too hard, too painful.

I wanted to be in a better place.

I knew it would be a shock for her

so I held on as long as I could.

When she finally gave me permission, I went.

The Wife

The nurse’s call woke me at 6 a.m.

I thought, this is it, I’m a widow.

I knew it was coming.

In a way, it was a relief,

but that didn’t take away the emptiness.

At his bedside in the nursing home,

I kissed his cold face,

positioned my cheek in front of his still mouth,

expecting a response—none came.

I buried my face in his soft hair,

caressed his cold chest,

told him I loved him,

took his belongings,

my life changed forever.

The Wife, Four Years Later

His suitcase from the nursing home sits in the closet, still packed.

His computer and other belongings gather dust

in the nook off the kitchen that was his for years.

Whether I find someone new,

there will always be a place in my heart for him.

Life and love go on.

(((

I wrote the above poem during a workshop this past weekend given by University of Wyoming instructor Lori Howe. Click this link to hear me read it. Please check out my new memoir to read more of our story.

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Author Abbie Johnson Taylor

We Shall Overcome

How to Build a Better Mousetrap: Recollections and Reflections of a Family Caregiver

That’s Life: New and Selected Poems

My Ideal Partner: How I Met, Married, and Cared for the Man I Loved Despite Debilitating Odds

Click to hear an audio trailer.

Like me on Facebook.

Review: Tuesdays with Morrie

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Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life’s Greatest Lesson

by Mitch Albom

Years after graduating from college, sports writer Mitch Albom reconnected with Morrie, his former psychology professor, who was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He describes how he and Morrie spent the last few months of the old man’s life together. His visits were considered his last class with the professor. The only course requirements were to adjust the old man’s pillows from time to time and do other personal care tasks. Graduation was the professor’s funeral, and the final paper was this memoir. The author also describes his life during and after college and gives some biographical information about Morrie.

This book was featured not too long ago on BookDaily. I found it depressing, but what could I have expected from a book about a young man learning lessons about life and death from a dying one? In a way, Morrie reminded me of Bill, although Bill wasn’t terminally ill. Morrie always talked about his death. The only time Bill even touched on the subject of his demise was when he planned his own funeral.

Morrie said something that struck me as interesting. When you depend on others for everything, even wiping your bottom, it’s like being a baby again. You enjoy being cared for the way your mother took care of you in your infancy.

Bill often laughed when I cleaned him up after a bowel movement or inserted a suppository. At first, I thought he was embarrassed, but now I realize he was enjoying the physical attention. That was why he often asked me to scratch his back or perform other physical ministrations he couldn’t do himself. He was craving the attention his mother gave him because it provided comfort. Realizing that probably wouldn’t have made dropping everything and performing these tasks any easier. To learn more about his experiences in being a baby again and my caregiving adventures, check out My Ideal Partner: How I Met, Married, and Cared for the Man I Loved Despite Debilitating Odds.

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Author Abbie Johnson Taylor

We Shall Overcome

How to Build a Better Mousetrap: Recollections and Reflections of a Family Caregiver

That’s Life: New and Selected Poems

My Ideal Partner: How I Met, Married, and Cared for the Man I Loved Despite Debilitating Odds

Click to hear an audio trailer.

Visit My Facebook Page.

One More Book

Note: I didn’t think I would finish this last night, but I did. Will go back to my regular end-of-month review schedule in January.

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In Manningsport, New York, Colleen, a nurse who owns a bar and grill with her twin brother, is only too happy to do matchmaking and give advice to others seeking romance. Ten years earlier, her first love, Lucas, supposedly broke her heart so now she’s having nothing more to do with romance except for the occasional fling. When Lucas returns to town to care for his dying uncle, she tries to resist him, but love’s pull is too strong. She often encounters him in situations with other characters and sub-plots that make this a humorous story of love, loss, and reconciliation.

Throughout the story, the author inserts bits and pieces of Colleen’s and Lucas’s stories. At first, I found this frustrating because I wanted to know what would happen to the characters now. A brief overview would have sufficed, I thought. I soon realized the back story was necessary in order for the reader to understand why Colleen and Lucas broke up. As it turns out, Lucas didn’t break Colleen’s heart. It was the other way around, but I won’t say anything more about that.

Reading such a book helped me put my life in perspective. Colleen’s and Lucas’s lives were pretty complicated. Lucas’s mother died when he was young. As a teen-ager, he was forced to live with his uncle and aunt after his father was sent to prison for drug dealing. He had to deal with his uncle’s indifference, his aunt’s resentment, and his cousin’s irresponsibility and hero worship.

Colleen’s childhood wasn’t as traumatic, but when she was in college, her father divorced her mother for a much younger woman with whom he conceived a child. Also, her grandfather is dying in a nursing home, and she’s the only one in the family who cares about him. It’s nice to escape reality through a book, but it’s also nice to return to the reality of a life that isn’t nearly as complicated as that of the main characters in a story. Click here to learn more about Kristan Higgins’ books.

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Abbie J. Taylor 010 Author Abbie Johnson Taylor